{"id":4329,"date":"2017-05-02T07:00:28","date_gmt":"2017-05-02T12:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/?p=4329"},"modified":"2017-02-13T12:33:34","modified_gmt":"2017-02-13T17:33:34","slug":"celiac-invisible-threshold","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/","title":{"rendered":"Celiac – The Invisible Threshold"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cDo you think she\u2019ll have it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

My husband and I lay in bed the night before <\/span>Kol Nidre<\/span><\/i>, cocooned by darkness. In the adjacent room, my son muttered as he dreamed. Further away, my daughter slept silently. During the Days of Awe, I should have been thinking about repentance, and being inscribed in the Book of Life, but I was distracted.<\/span><\/p>\n

He turned towards me, though he couldn\u2019t really see me, even with his eyes open. He was utterly blind without his glasses. I searched his face in the dim light.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d he said.<\/span><\/p>\n

There was nothing more to say.<\/span><\/p>\n

The next morning, Emma and I sat in the physician\u2019s office. She pressed her nose against the fish tank, little hands fitted into other handprints on the glass. My hands lay limp in my lap while a dense ball expanded in my throat. I struggled not to choke on it. When the nurse led us back, it began to pulse in sync with my heart.<\/span><\/p>\n

The physician sat behind a wide desk scattered with photos and papers. Emma found a pile of toys in the corner of the room and I found a chair. Pasting a smile on my face, I leaned forward to shake her hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m an emergency physician, and I\u2019ve given more bad news to people than I can possibly enumerate, but it\u2019s different being on the receiving end. When she handed me the sturdy folder, I held it for a moment before slowly lifting its cover. The first thing I saw was a sheet of photos.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThose are the endoscopy images,\u201d she said.<\/span><\/p>\n

I stared at the photographs. They could have documented the lunar surface for all I knew.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou can see\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

No, <\/span><\/i>I thought. <\/span>I cannot see. I\u2019ve never done an endoscopy<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I looked up, she was still speaking, but I couldn\u2019t hear. Only one sentence mattered, and it finally it came: \u00a0\u201cThe biopsy was positive for celiac.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

There was no moment of disbelief. Perhaps I had known all along. She was the only child I knew who didn\u2019t like pasta and who refused to eat birthday cake. \u00a0Shuddering, I stared at the tissues on the physician\u2019s desk. \u00a0I didn\u2019t want to cry.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rationally, I understood that things could have been much worse. It wasn\u2019t cancer or Crohn\u2019s. It wasn\u2019t going to kill her. It was\u2014and is\u2014a disease that can be managed with diet, but it would last forever and would always make her different. I glanced back at Emma, who was busy playing and wasn\u2019t paying attention. I pulled her to me. I needed to bury my face in her sunshine hair.<\/span><\/p>\n

After the appointment, we went to the bookstore. I told Emma about all the things that would be better now, and all the new things we\u2019d try. We bought three cookbooks with unfamiliar titles and happy people on their covers.<\/span><\/p>\n

I went alone to the grocery store.<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s where I lost it, standing in the middle of the aisle, staring at all the things she\u2019d never be able to eat again, and thinking of how her life had suddenly changed. Without special accommodations, she\u2019d never be able to have pizza with her friends, or eat at a Bar Mitzvah. How would she eat in college? \u00a0What would she eat when everyone went out for beer and wings? <\/span><\/p>\n

Those were illogical thoughts, but that\u2019s what grief is like. It\u2019s not sensible. It\u2019s a purely emotional response to immutable facts. There\u2019s a kind of mourning when we give up one sort of life for another, even if that new life is going to be just as good as the old one. Her life would be better with a diagnosis, but my heart still cracked and bled for her. Knowing it would be okay someday wasn\u2019t good enough.<\/span><\/p>\n

The future is uncertain. The present is solid thing.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I stood there in front of the organic foods and cried, hoping no one I knew would stumble across me. At least it wasn\u2019t in front of the matzoh ball mix, where I surely would have seen at least one well-meaning person from my synagogue. I snuffled softly, hoping I would remain unnoticed and that no one would speak to me. I just wanted to mourn alone before I went home and prepared for <\/span>Kol Nidre<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n

That day, we embarked on a new life.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gluten is hidden in strange places, like soy sauce and French fries. There\u2019s no risk of death with exposure, but any amount of it can cause sickness and malnutrition, so buffets, parties and restaurants can be perilous.<\/span><\/p>\n

Some adjustments have been simple and others impossible. Friends and family run the gamut from careless and insensitive to kind and accommodating. Over time, we\u2019ve learned where to eat, what to pack, how to travel, what to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, Emma is growing.<\/span><\/p>\n

I know it\u2019s hard for her, but I do my best to put a positive spin on her experiences. I lead by example, because in this relationship, I am the adult.<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know exactly when I became the adult, because growing up is an invisible thing. We do it for much longer than the eighteen years we are allotted by convention. It\u2019s not as if we wake up on day 6,575 of life, and that\u2019s it – we\u2019ve made it. I think we might grow up forever, because we are constantly climbing up the ladder of life. At some point, though, we cross an invisible threshold. Thereafter, we no longer feel as young as we did before.<\/span><\/p>\n

On Yom Kippur, just a day after her diagnosis, I said the <\/span>Al Chet, <\/span><\/i>which is a confession of sins, and asked to be sealed in the Book of Life. Perhaps I was praying for myself, but when the shofar was blown at the end of the day, it was Emma I was thinking of.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hoped that, at last, she had been granted a year of happiness and health.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cDo you think she\u2019ll have it?\u201d My husband and I lay in bed the night before Kol Nidre, cocooned by darkness. In the adjacent room, my son muttered as he dreamed. Further away, my daughter slept silently. During the Days…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":95,"featured_media":4331,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"For Celiac Awareness Month, Dr. Greene-Liebowitz shares he experience as a physician-mom. @CityMD @BeyondCeliac","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[4],"tags":[33,39,93,149],"coauthors":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCeliac - The Invisible Threshold - FemInEM<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Celiac - The Invisible Threshold - FemInEM\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cDo you think she\u2019ll have it?\u201d My husband and I lay in bed the night before Kol Nidre, cocooned by darkness. In the adjacent room, my son muttered as he dreamed. Further away, my daughter slept silently. During the Days...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"FemInEM\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/1383586405303463\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-05-02T12:00:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-02-13T17:33:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-960x1024.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"960\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1024\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kimberly Greene-Liebowitz MD\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@feminemtweets\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@feminemtweets\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kimberly Greene-Liebowitz MD\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/\",\"name\":\"Celiac - The Invisible Threshold - FemInEM\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-05-02T12:00:28+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-02-13T17:33:34+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#\/schema\/person\/3248ff757e6836c386357b515bcbf2d0\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-scaled.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-scaled.jpg\",\"width\":2400,\"height\":2560},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Celiac – The Invisible Threshold\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/\",\"name\":\"FemInEM\",\"description\":\"Females Working in Emergency Medicine\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#\/schema\/person\/3248ff757e6836c386357b515bcbf2d0\",\"name\":\"Kimberly Greene-Liebowitz MD\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/049f589ebaad114b0b48e35aa3b29ae8\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/e4ccc93d5fd9285abd1242380835feb2?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/e4ccc93d5fd9285abd1242380835feb2?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Kimberly Greene-Liebowitz MD\"},\"description\":\"Dr. Greene-Liebowitz received her medical degree from Temple University School of Medicine and completed an emergency medicine residency at Long Island Jewish Medical Center. After a stint at White Plains Hospital - and a few other detours along the way - she now very much enjoys her work for CityMD. Still, she'd much rather be writing! Dr. Greene-Liebowitz lives in Westchester County, NY with her husband and two children. Currently, she is working on her first novel.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/feminem.org\/author\/kimberly-greene-liebowitz-md\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Celiac - The Invisible Threshold - FemInEM","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Celiac - The Invisible Threshold - FemInEM","og_description":"\u201cDo you think she\u2019ll have it?\u201d My husband and I lay in bed the night before Kol Nidre, cocooned by darkness. In the adjacent room, my son muttered as he dreamed. Further away, my daughter slept silently. During the Days...","og_url":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/","og_site_name":"FemInEM","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/1383586405303463\/","article_published_time":"2017-05-02T12:00:28+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-02-13T17:33:34+00:00","og_image":[{"width":960,"height":1024,"url":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-960x1024.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Kimberly Greene-Liebowitz MD","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@feminemtweets","twitter_site":"@feminemtweets","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Kimberly Greene-Liebowitz MD","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/","url":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/","name":"Celiac - The Invisible Threshold - FemInEM","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-scaled.jpg","datePublished":"2017-05-02T12:00:28+00:00","dateModified":"2017-02-13T17:33:34+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#\/schema\/person\/3248ff757e6836c386357b515bcbf2d0"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-scaled.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-scaled.jpg","width":2400,"height":2560},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/2017\/05\/02\/celiac-invisible-threshold\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Celiac – The Invisible Threshold"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#website","url":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/","name":"FemInEM","description":"Females Working in Emergency Medicine","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#\/schema\/person\/3248ff757e6836c386357b515bcbf2d0","name":"Kimberly Greene-Liebowitz MD","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/049f589ebaad114b0b48e35aa3b29ae8","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/e4ccc93d5fd9285abd1242380835feb2?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/e4ccc93d5fd9285abd1242380835feb2?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Kimberly Greene-Liebowitz MD"},"description":"Dr. Greene-Liebowitz received her medical degree from Temple University School of Medicine and completed an emergency medicine residency at Long Island Jewish Medical Center. After a stint at White Plains Hospital - and a few other detours along the way - she now very much enjoys her work for CityMD. Still, she'd much rather be writing! Dr. Greene-Liebowitz lives in Westchester County, NY with her husband and two children. Currently, she is working on her first novel.","url":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/author\/kimberly-greene-liebowitz-md\/"}]}},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Bread-Question-scaled.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4329"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/95"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4329"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4329\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4331"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4329"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feminem.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=4329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}