Have you ever screwed up?\u00a0 And I mean, really screwed up.\u00a0 Not just a little spilled coffee, or a forgotten meeting.\u00a0 When we work in the ED, there are times where tiny errors can lead to life or death consequences.\u00a0 \u00a0Perhaps you have a case that haunts you.\u00a0 I think most of us do.\u00a0 I know that I have several of those myself.<\/p>\n
I always wanted to be perfect.\u00a0 And for some time, I thought that if I studied and trained hard enough, perhaps I could achieve that shiny goal.\u00a0 Except, I\u2019m human.\u00a0 And this, by definition, means I will make mistakes now and then, however inadvertent.\u00a0 Our common humanity rests on our imperfections.<\/p>\n
But when we make a mistake in medicine, we rarely talk about it.\u00a0 We sweep our failures under the rug and hope that no one notices.\u00a0 The problem is that this approach is strikingly unhealthy for us.\u00a0 When we don\u2019t talk about our failures, we start to feel isolated and ashamed.\u00a0 This leads us down the path towards burnout, depression and quitting.<\/p>\n
Alternatively, if we could talk about failure, and share this humanity with people close to us, we could start to feel less isolated, and less alone.\u00a0 Talking about our failures is the first step towards learning how to fail better.<\/p>\n
So how to open up?\u00a0 Because it feels terrifying, and it\u2019s not easy to break through medicine\u2019s culture of silence.\u00a0 My best advice is to find yourself a failure friend.\u00a0 This is your go-to person to talk to when you\u2019ve screwed up.\u00a0 Choose someone kind.\u00a0 Someone capable of empathy.\u00a0 And ideally someone who understands your context.<\/p>\n
Sit down somewhere quiet and tell them what happened.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about telling them all the medical details; that\u2019s not the crux of the issue, and you want to be mindful of your privacy laws.\u00a0 The key is to tell your failure friend how you feel<\/strong>.\u00a0 You tell them when you dread heading in to work.\u00a0 You tell them when you feel like quitting.\u00a0 You tell them when you feel like drinking.<\/p>\n If you\u2019ve chosen wisely, your friend will listen.\u00a0 And then they will lean back in and take your hand and tell you that they\u2019ve been there too.\u00a0 Because if we\u2019re really honest with each other, we\u2019ve all been there.\u00a0 None of us are perfect.\u00a0 We may all be marvelous smart caring hardworking people, but we are not perfect.<\/p>\n If you are able to muster the courage to bare your soul to your failure friend, all of a sudden, you start to feel better.\u00a0 Less alone.\u00a0 Less afraid.\u00a0 And more connected.\u00a0 This small act of sharing can lead to remarkable changes in outlook. It builds a platform to grow from, where failure can lead to thriving and healing, rather than shame and despair.<\/p>\n Maybe you\u2019ve been on a roll lately, and you don\u2019t need a failure friend right now.\u00a0 No problem.\u00a0 Perhaps you can be a failure friend to someone else.\u00a0 And just listen with compassion.\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to solve their problems, and probably you shouldn\u2019t try.\u00a0 You can just tell them they\u2019re not alone.\u00a0 You can just pay attention.\u00a0 You can just validate the importance of their struggle.<\/p>\n Maybe you have a colleague who needs a hand.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s a friend who needs help.\u00a0 Or maybe the bravest possible choice is to role model failing better for our children and our students.\u00a0 Teach them to talk about their failures by talking about yours.\u00a0 Show them how to heal.\u00a0 Demonstrate how to support each other through life\u2019s inevitable challenges.\u00a0 Because we are all working through the same struggles.\u00a0 And we are always stronger together.<\/p>\n Watch the full FIX17 talk below!<\/em><\/p>\n